I’m writing this inspired by the book ‘Bird by Bird’ written by Anne Lamott. I’ve read most of the book couple of months ago but it wasn’t so relevant to me as it is now. Also, I have read many times how freewriting can help you get to the ‘real writing’, as I called it. So, now I want to give it a try. Why? I’m stuck. I have couple of deadlines in the next few days – big projects, reports, journals. What have I done so far? Nothing much, just jotting some notes and literature down on the paper. I don’t like that phase. I don’t like being so stressful about meeting my deadlines, worrying what will happen if I miss it, thinking where on earth will I get the strength to write for long hours. Most importantly – what will I write? That is my biggest worry. I could sit with my laptop open and write for hours actually – but that will be sort of a freewriting – writing that will never be read by someone else. Writing that just comes naturally on the screen, as it follows my thought. Yes, I wish that is all I need to do in order to meet my deadlines.
However, I always function on that way only. Tight deadlines. Working in the last moment. Somehow my energy level, motivation and inspiration come only then. After being on many training courses at the University, at least I know that nothing is wrong with me – it is just the mother nature. That is my personality – being sanguine, or ESPT by Myers Briggs – someone who is not bother with the tasks or deadlines until the last minute. And I have realised, no matter what I do – I always put myself in that situation. Over and over again. And every time I say to myself ‘this is the last time I’m doing it’. But it just doesn’t work another way round……
It is so interesting….following what some writing books advise – write every day at least 300 words to keep you going. Yeah, right. This text is already more than 300 words. And what have been accomplished by it? Me typing and practicing my fingers. That’s all. My paper has not been written in the meanwhile, nor journal article or abstract I’m planning to do. Nothing else. According to many writers, I could be content with my success today – it took me about ten minutes for this amount. If only that would work for the academic writing. But we all know how it is….
Anyway, I got myself a great breakfast this morning, full with healthy protein, fruits, vitamin C and other energising food to keep me going today and to inspire me. Strangely, food can inspire me. Thinking of a glass of a healthy, fresh orange juice makes me happy. Don’t know why, but it works, so I won’t complain.
December is coming in a few days. And all that Christmas madness will start. I just don’t have the time to think about it, about gifts, decorations or anything else. I’ll be thinking about it after 15th December and really enjoy my free time, stress free time that will allow me to enjoy the life in it fullness. Currently, the end of term is approaching. Very quickly. Actually, I feel it is approaching at the speed of the light. And I’m not even aware of it. Or, I am afraid to think more carefully about it. December means stress, craziness, and deadliness. Everything needs to be finished. Yes, I am longing for that day – deadlines met.
While I’m writing this, I’m sitting in my favourite coffee shop Costa. The atmosphere is very cosy, with Christmas music and festive hot chocolate. And I feel that I don’t have the right to immerse myself into the feeling of Christmas. Not yet. Not until I finish my big things. Madness. Craziness. Energy. Somehow, when life is much calmer on other dates, I don’t feel as alive as now. But, that’s just me. December, I know you’re coming and bringing not good tidings, but deadlines and stress. Please, slow down a bit!
This could be my experiment today – just enjoy freewriting, and then direct it towards the paper questions I need to describe and resolve. I’m so interested to see will it help, will it get me into the mood of writing academic stuff. Well, I don’t have a problem being in the mood, or in the flow of writing, I just usually don’t know what to write. If I sort that one out, everything would be perfect. If only….
Maybe I’ll even try freewriting on phenomenology. Yes, it does sound weird and crazy. And complicated. How on earth am I suppose to put my ideas down to flow about something full of historical background, complicated philosophy, metathinking and reflexivity? Have no idea. But maybe I’ll give it a try.
Hold on for just a little more! The end of term is near. December is near. Yes, it will be crazy, it will be stressful. But it is like that every year. Every time you survived it. You’ll just be ok this time as well. And then….hold on just for a bit longer – and holiday season will be in front of your eyes, waiting for you to fully be immersed into its beauty, fragrances and cosy atmosphere. It is a reward you deserve. Just, crack on with these papers and meet your deadlines. Meet your new you – fully energised, waiting to get things done, and get them done well.
December, please hold on for a little while!
Cambridge PhD-ing 
Glad that you shared this kind of feeling which has happened to most of us. I know exactly how it feels. I’m in a similar situation, though I kind of know what I should ‘write’. But at the stage of exploring ideas, it is normal that they seem to run wild and we just often do not have the courage or energy to grasp them. A helpful strategy that I find useful is to start a new document, drawing out the rough structure and then pulling into the existing writing and start adding new things!
Let’s make it and then hooray for the coming of Christmas!
Exactly! I’m just dealing with some complex philosophy that I would never ever read in my life, if I don’t need 🙂 But I find your advise about starting fresh in a new document very appealing and will do it. Just read my notes a little more and start grasping on what did I understand. We’ll make it 🙂